Getting Lost in a Familiar Place

My husband and I moved into our neighborhood 9 years ago this week.  We take our dog on a long walk at least once 

and up to three times a day.  But this morning, as I was walking our dog by myself, I looked up and felt lost.

I mean, I knew I was in my neighborhood and once I looked around a little bit, I realized exactly where I was.  

I had been in my own mind, thinking, while my body went through the motions.  Getting me from point A to point B.   But even though I was in a familiar spot,  I was left thinking, how did I get here?

I think life is like that.

Look at the life you are living right now.  For me personally, I love my life, but this is not where I thought I would be.  

When I was growing up, I never thought I'd be 38 years old, with a great husband, 3 kids, a dog and be a stay at home mom.

The age, yes. Husband and kids, for sure.  Dog, ok.  Staying home?  Nope.  Growing up, I wanted to be a physical therapist or maybe a forensic psychologist.  A stay at home mom, well, it never really crossed my mind.  I graduated from college with a BS in psychology.  Got married.  Moved to a new city, in a new state.  There hubby and I began our life together.  He began working in sales, I began working with children with autism.  We had our first daughter, Sassy.  When she was 3, Action was born.  It was at this time we decided that it would be best for our family if I left my position and began staying home with the kids.  It was a great decision.  I loved spending my days with them.  Walks around the lake, and to the nearby falls, simple trips to the library or taking our dog to the dog park by the river.  We moved to a nearby suburb and Smiley was born.  I continued to stay home.

Now, however, all three kids are in school, all day long.

I am no longer driving to preschool a few mornings a week, planning playdates, playing games, coloring, creating with play-doh, playing barbies or house.

I feel like I've lost a piece of my identity.

I don't hear my name on a minute to minute basis...."Mom", "Hey Mom", "Mom can I?" "Mom will you?", "Mom, can we"

The house is quiet Hubby works from home, unless he's traveling.

Before school started, at least a couple times a week different people would ask:  

"What are you going to do with all of your time?"

"Are you going back to work?"

The answer is, I don't know.  

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I have a few ideas.  I've requested my college transcripts.  I've looked for and am looking for jobs. 

Maybe I'll go back to school, maybe not....

I know I'm not the only person who has gone through this, who has felt this way.  This morning my feeling of being lost came in the simple form of a walk.  I've had this happen in the car as well.  I can be paying attention, but going through the motions and the next thing you know I'm at my destination or perhaps, I've missed my turn.  This is what I am afraid of.  Have I missed an opportunity I should have taken?  Or, am I where I am suppose to be, doing what I'm suppose to be doing?

For now I guess, I'll just take it one day at time, volunteering at school, getting the kids to and from their after school activities, cheering them on in their sports and in all that they do, taking care of my husband and our home while keeping all of my options open, looking for the right path to follow.  

Something to Think About Sunday

In the past, when I was a more regular blogger, on Sundays I use to post something called "Something to Think About Sunday".  Most often these posts consisted of quotes, phrases or songs that got me thinking (examples: shoveling, cleaning, honk, dog).  Today is no different.

Awhile ago, I read a book titled "Kisses from Katie"

I reviewed it on my Good Reads account and here is what I wrote:

It takes an extremely strong woman (in mind and faith) to leave everything she new ~ the wealthy comforts of home ~ to go to another country to serve those less fortunate (which is an extreme understatement). At the age of 19, Katie has more love and compassion than so many of the people I know. Her love of God and the desire to serve and follow him is simply inspiring. I definitely recommend this book.

I read the book back in February and it's words continue to creep into my mind and heart.   

Let me give you an example: A couple of months ago our family had to make some decisions.  These decisions had to do with my husbands job.  His company was bought out a little over a year ago.  Things were changing ~ he had to reapply and reinterview.  He was offered a continued position with the new company, but wasn't so sure he was interested.  You see the new company is much larger than the old.  He was concerned about the new direction, and becoming just another dispensable number.  He was concerned about the lack of customer service and the way the new company treated their customers.  It was becoming something and someone he wasn't.  It was stressful not wanting to be where he was, but not knowing what was going to come.   Regardless of what he ultimately decided to do, we knew we would be ok.  And while we were stressed out and unsure, I knew that we were still so fortunate compared to so many.... compared to too many.

I kept coming back to this book and this quote/story written and witnessed by a 19 year old girl who has uprooted herself to make a difference and help those who are truly in need:

"During our one night hospital stay, doctors diagnosed sweet baby Patricia with pneumonia and severe malnutrition.  Her HIV test came back negative and I praised Jesus for that.  In the hospital, I fed her high-energy formula and then took her home to continue to care for her until she was well.  For the first twenty-four hours, I could hardly stand to look at her.  The hurt and the hunger in her lifeless little eyes were simply unbearable.  Every time I changed her diaper, it was filled with large worms - big, fat earthworm-sized worms.  To add to her misery, she could hardly sleep at night because of the cough that assailed her weak little body."

You see, this problem and stresses because of it that we were facing felt daunting, confusing and frustrating.  But as I reread this passage and many others, I was reminded to find perspective.  My family has food on the table.  We have clean water.  We are healthy.  We have family and friends we can go to in times of need.  I'm not saying that times will not come that we lose hope, hurt, cry, stress, want to quit or give up, break down or become hungry ~ physically or emotionally.  This is part of being human.  But I just hope that we can find the light where there is darkness and to keep it all in perspective.

Something to Think About ~ Mother's Day ~ Take 2

A little over a week ago,  I posted some of my thoughts regarding an blog post that I had read titled, "Ten Things I Really F'ing Want for Mother's Day".  Reading this post struck a cord with me and it wasn't really a good one.  And I posted my feelings, on my personal blog for all of you to read.

I had many comments condemning me for judging other Mothers.  Honestly, I am one of the last people  to judge anyone.  I am FAR from a "perfect" mother.  And I FULLY recognize this. For example:  My kids have on occasion been known to watch TV and play video games for longer than they should.  My house is not always clean ~ right now, dishes sit in the sink, papers are strewn about and pillows and blankets from last nights fort building still lay on the floor.  Don't even go into the guest room, that's where I've been folding laundry and it is currently impossible to see the bed.  Dinners I create are not always amazing and I am known to loose my patience when the kids complain about the food I've set before them (there are SO many children who don't have a meal to eat or a table to set it on). And the list goes on and on and on.  Here's the thing,  I know and understand we all walk our own paths, our lives are all busy and complicated for many different reasons, and each one of us handles every circumstance differently.  We all respond to stress and anxiety in our own ways.  

Am I telling you you can't or shouldn't go out with your friends?  Absolutely NOT!  Go out, we NEED our friends!  We NEED dates with our husbands.  We NEED to give ourselves a break from our kiddos to keep our emotional tanks full! 

Am I insinuating you don't love your kids because you found the post funny or feel the same way as the author of it?  No Way!

My point in writing this post was to point out that our children grow up so very fast.  And every single moment counts, so savor them!  Think about this:  If you have your child from birth until the age of 18 (I know this is not always the case) you have about 6,575 days with your child.  That might sound like a lot, but take out about 6 hours each day your child is in school starting roughly at age 5 (not including preschool).  That's 13 years at 6 hours/day for about 170 school days.  Now your down to having your children for only 6,021 days.  That's down 553 days.  

So, 6021 days to enjoy your child.  And that doesn't include sleeping time,  the amount of time work (paid or volunteer work)  pulls us away from them, extracurricular classes and/or sports consume them, friends occupy them and as they get older, jobs engage them. 

Time is short.  It is fleeing.  And for me, I choose to enjoy every snuggle, middle of the night waking, and  homemade gift and card, with or without macaroni.  Is it easy to always enjoy these things?  No, sometimes it is a completely conscious choice I have to make.  And this choice is hard, when I am tired and want a full nights rest without having to change sheets on another wet bed or when I want to sleep in and snuggle with my hubby.  And yes, I would like to shower in peace without someone pounding on the door and eat my lunch in its entirety before having to wipe a butt.  But this isn't the case.  At least not for me, not right now.  And I wouldn't have it ANY OTHER WAY!

Let me leave you with this true story:

This story begins with me as a carefree high school-er.  The time of your life, when you are invincible, right? :)   The day began like every other.  Hanging out with friends, chatting at our lockers, but wondering why we hadn't seen our good friend "Mike" (I have changed his name).  He seldom missed a day of school.  The day went on normally until early afternoon, when the entire school was called to the auditorium for an unplanned announcement.  The solemn faces we saw as we entered the auditorium told us this was not going to be a good announcement.  They told us of a tragedy involving our friend Mike's 9 year old sister.  I don't remember the principal giving us much for details, but the details were all over the news that evening.  My friends little 9 year old sister was kidnapped while delivering news papers with her family (something they did every morning and they split up a bit to make the route go faster).  She was raped, murdered and found later that day abandoned in a gravel pit.  My friend and I lost contact and he was never the same after that, how could you be.  But I can guarantee that their mother would have given ANYTHING for more snuggles, more kisses, more homemade gifts from her as well as to be awoken in the middle of the night because her beautiful daughter had a bad dream.  Her daughter who would now never need her again.  Her daughter she would never see grow into a beautiful woman.  Her daughter who would never be married or have children.

I know of other families who have lost their children.  Tragedies happen every single day.  Accidents can not be prevented and any of these things could happen to my family at any moment.  We are not exempt.  And I will NOT live with anxiety or fear because these things could happen, but I do refuse to live with regret.  So I will make conscious decisions every single day to savor all 6021 days!  Actually I only have 2147 more until my 12 year old turns 18 and perhaps heads off to college............ :(

Always remember, 

The days may be long,

but the years are short!

Mother's Day ~ Something to Think About

Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in March or May. It complements Father's Day, a similar celebration honoring fathers.
Via ~ Wikipedia

I'm certain most of you realize Mother's day is this Sunday, only a few days away.  
I also know that many of you who read my blog are mothers.  And for you I have a question......

You see, a friend of mine posted a link to this blog post on Facebook entitled "Ten Things I Really F'ing Want for Mother's Day"

Seriously?

Go ahead and read it, or skim it.  I'll wait.................
.................................................................................
.................................................................................

Well?

Numbers's 4, 5, 9 and 10 have my jaw on the floor.

Here are my comments, I'll go in order....

1.  Yep, I'm tired of wiping butts ~ Smiley is on the verge of independence on that one, but can not quite be trusted :)

2.  I like brunch ~ and as long as I'm with people I care about, I'm happy

3.  Sleeping in......anything past 4:40am is sleeping in for me

4.  I would love a card ~ one created by Hallmark and meticulously chosen by someone I love, or one made using any or all of the following: paint, markers, glitter, crayons, tape, glue and or macaroni and no sauce and wine necessary.

5.  Jewelry ~ Sure.  Beads and Macaroni noodles more than welcome.  And this year, it was a shrinky dink pendant with a beautiful drawing of me on it.  Thanks to Smiley ~ who HAD to give it to me TODAY because she was so excited and proud and that is what makes the gift so unbelievably special!

6.  I'm ok with this one, but absolutely use our kitchen.  And honestly, cereal and fruit or yogurt is just fine with me.  Actually, a cup of coffee that someone else brewed (and in our own coffee pot is just fine) would be perfect!

7.  Yes, it would be nice to use the bathroom just once without someone trying to come in. 

8.  Chocolate is good.  I don't need any, but if you must, I prefer milk chocolate.

9.  What?  If a present is given, it is the thought that counts.  Just because I may not love it, doesn't make your effort and thoughtfulness any less valued!

10.  ARE YOU KIDDING?  Why are you a mother?


I'm sure, at least I hope that this blog post was written in humor (and no offense to my friend!).  

I just don't see it.  

Maybe it's because as I look around me, those little ones whose tiny diapers I used to change are not so little anymore.  They are 12, 9 and 4.  They are becoming more and more independent every.single.day.  The middle of the night (newborn/baby) and morning snuggles that use to be an everyday occurrence are already becoming few and far between.  And there will come a day when I long to hear them pitter pattering around in the mornings, when the house is too quiet, and I crave a knock on the bathroom door, just because it means they are home and there is something so unbelievably important that a 2 minute trip to the bathroom must be interrupted.  And yes, presents are always nice ~ whether they are something I truly love, or something I love because someone important to me had me in mind when they picked it out.  Handmade cards and gifts ~ bring them on!  Not because I love to accessorize with macaroni, but because the look on the face and the excitement in the heart of the giver is an absolute gift in and of itself.  

There are so many women who LONG to be mothers........

And I am lucky, I have three beautiful children and the smiles on their faces are what fill my soul.  I am a mother.  And I would never want that to change.  So please don't EVER give me "Leave me the Fuck Alone" coupons that never expire as that lovely blogger so eloquently expressed.   Yes, there are occasions I need to take a breather and times I need to go out with "the girls".  There are moments I wish my children would stop bickering and whining, but I would take those noises over the sounds of an empty home any day.  

So this Mother's day, I will wear my Shrinky Dink necklace, carefully created and designed by my 4 year old with pride.  And I will savor the day.... with an early start I'm certain, bickering, butt wiping included, but with my family and that my friends is the only present I need.  (ok, they can clean their respective rooms without me asking.... that would be a most wonderful gift!)

And now the question(s)...
What did you think of this blog post, and what do you really want for Mother's day?

Baking with my Girls

The before school bickering.
The endless questions.
The interrupting.
The whining.

Oh, but.....

The love.
The smiles.
The joy.
The carefreeness.
The easy laughter.
The snuggles.

These are the things I have been thinking about lately.  Especially when the top four seem so prevalent some days.  Because my kids are still on this earth.  Still here with me, while so many parents and families are unable to say the same.

Like all of you out there, my mind has been reeling and my heart breaking over and over and over again the past few days.  Why, why, why...........  The tears have come and come some more.  We will never understand ~ what, why or how.  We will never understand the depth of pain too many families are feeling right now.  And all I know to do is to pray.   I am praying hard ~ and I am loving and holding and cherishing every minute.

As I wrapped presents today, I thought of the many that will go unopened.
As I baked cookies with my girls, I prayed for the families who won't hear the laughter and "sprinkle" debates fill the air of their kitchens.  Noises that should be there.  But are not.

And while I feel so much sadness, I am reminded in Matthew 24:36

"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, 

but only the Father." 

So I will continue to pray.  Pray for those families who lost their "babies"their son's and daughters, the staff and teachers, they are daughters, girlfriends, mothers,  wives and so much more to so many.  But that is not where my prayers will end ~ there are so many who hurt, who need, who are lost, hungry, abused, and forsaken.  Many who need forgiveness and love.  But there is also so, so much to be thankful for ~ for people ~ for things ~ for words and actions.

And I will continue to love ~ love those I randomly encounter throughout the day (a bag of chocolates for the mail man, a door held for a stranger, a smile, a compliment) and especially for the family I have.  The ones who are always on my mind and completely in my heart.

And we will continue to love, laugh, learn and make memories.  As we did tonight.

Something to Think About Sunday

I ♥ me some Dove milk chocolate.

But I typically only buy myself these little treats this time of year (just 'cause I'd eat them all.the.time...)

Who knew something so simple could be so good for my tummy AND make me think (an not about working out ☺)

Remember to watch for the simple things ~ they might just be able to teach you something.

14. Back rubs

15. The ability to express myself

16. My health, while I may get the occasional cold (such as right now) I am healthy

Something to Think About Sunday

Lately I've been reading some books that I normally wouldn't choose to read for leisure.  They are good books, but they are kind of heavy books, and I'm not talking about size.

Here's a little background.....

I am a co-leader for our parents group at church (which for some reason is mostly moms).  We've decided to read a book and have a book discussion for one of our meetings.  Which leads me to where I am today.... I have been reading books, trying to find one that is a good fit for our group. However, along the way, I have learned a few things or maybe I should say, I've been reminded of a few things.

Here are a couple of the things I've read lately that got me thinking:

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.  ~ Colossians 3:17


and


Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  ~ Ephesians 5:19-20


Ok, so I'm going to be honest here.  I'm not really a bible reader.  I mean I went to Catholic school from the time I was in preschool until I graduated from high school, so I know the bible.  But I don't sit and read it (although we do have this bible and Smiley could sit on my lap and have me read it to her for hours), nor have I completed a bible study as an adult.   But the books I've been reading have been insightful and have made me think about many areas of my life.  


Obviously by reading the bible passages above, one of those areas is thankfulness.


There are so many things I am thankful for.  Things that are big and things that are small.  And while I am thankful and appreciative for my live and all of the blessings in it, I know I fail to recognize many of them.  And besides thanking my husband, children and other family members for things, I need to remember to look around and truely thank God for so much more.


So, call this a New Years resolution if you wish, but I am calling it a goal, perhaps I should describe it more as a challenge to myself ~ to daily acknowledge something I am thankful for, whether it is "big" or "small" because really, isn't it all big?


Starting today, when I write a new post, I will place what I am thankful for at the end.  Hopefully this will keep me accountable.


And in the words of an old church hymn:

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."

1.  The first day of a brand new year

2.  One more day of sleeping in before Christmas break is over

3.  Routine ~ although it is hard to get back into it, it is good

4.  A night of nothing

5. Bookstores ~ the sights, smells and sounds.... I could stay forever

6. A quiet 20 minute nap in the middle of the afternoon

7. My hubby ~ you are missed when you are gone

8. The sound of Smiley little voice talking to her dolls upon waking after a good nights sleep

9. Cinnamon rolls (especially the freezer ones ☺)

Something to Think About Sunday

Did you know that this week is designated as "Eliminate Fat Talk" week.

What does this mean? 

It means, can you go the entire week not putting yourself or others down because of weight, or another physical attribute?  Can you embrace who you are and love yourself for it?

Instead of saying something negative about your body or someone elses body, can you change your thinking and find something positive in yourself or other person.  Try it for a week ~ I dare you.   Even better, continue that week on indefinitely!

We are all beautiful, we are all different and unique ~ Embrace the person you are!

Be Healthy
Be Confident
Be Happy
Be Yourself

Spread the word and don't forget to share a compliment :)

Be Blessed!

Something to Think about Sunday

A question was posed to me last week.

It made me think.

So now I ask you,

"When was the last time you gave one thing your 100% undivided attention?"

Something to think about Sunday

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future,

and accepts you just the way you are.

-- Author Unknown

Something to think about Sunday ~ Medals and Trophies ~ Opinions WANTED!

I don't usually ask many questions of my readers, but today I have one for you.

It seems our country has evolved into an "everyone's a winner" society. 

I'm talking mainly about kid sports. 

See, I have a friend who was a coach for a 1st and 2nd graders soccer team.  They DIDN'T win one game during the season, yet at the end she had trophies to hand out to each of her kids.

And Sassy's softball league.  Well, they decided to split the 8U division into A and B groups ~ 6 teams in A, 6 teams in B.  Why?  So there would be double the amount of Gold, Silver and Bronze medalists and of course, EVERYONE would receive a medal just for participation. 

Really?

Is this necessary. 

Do our kids REALLY NEED these medals and trophies? 

Do they need to be rewarded just for signing up?

Or, would NOT receiving them make them want it more the next year.  Perhaps a little goal setting and a little extra effort put forth (you know, maybe wanting to play catch or kick the ball with someone instead of sitting in front of the TV or some sort of video game). 

What do you think? 

Should kids always get medals and trophies regardless of the season outcome or are we just promoting a "we are all winners and there are no losers" mentality?  Is this a bad mentality?

Help me out,

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Something to think about Sunday

Rewind to May.......

My little sister was graduating, and we were sitting in a huge gym listening to and watching high school seniors revel in the ending of one chapter in their lives and the beginning of a new one.

As I listened the speakers mentioned that as we move through life we simply need to remember to:

Use common sense
Have Fun
Set Goals
Work Hard
Love
and
Learn from the mistakes we make along the way

Always remember that this is your life

~ live it.

And live with out regrets!

Something To Think about Sunday

“What lies behind us

and what lies before us are

tiny matters compared to

what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Something to think about Sunday ~ 90/10

Summer is in full swing.

The kids are full of energy.

Sometimes good.

Sometimes bad.

Either way, this e-mail I received awhile ago pops into my head whenever I feel stressed or on edge.

What  a BEAUTIFUL theory!

It's kind of long, but I hope you will take the time to read through it.

Can you imagine how different your life and the lives of others would be if we just thought a second longer before we reacted to a situation?

Stephen Covey The 90/10 Principle

View more presentations from Chamnan Nop.

Have an AMAZING Sunday!

 

Something to think about Sunday. Why did you? AND get ready for a GIVEAWAY.

I just realized that I missed my blog anniversary.  It was May 8th to be exact.  It's hard to believe I started this blog over a year ago already! 

Anyway, What is an anniversary without a gift?

In honor of my little blog, I am having a little giveaway.

Ready for the details?

On Thursday, May 20th I will be having a linky party. 

No ~ crafts, No ~ not me monday's, no ~ tips or thrifty ideas.

I do however,  want to know WHY, if you have a blog, did you START your blog.  Did someone inspire you?  What lit the fire to get you going?

So think about it, blog about it, and LINK up! 

The big prize? 
A surprise ☺!

But here is a hint.... there are 2 prizes and they are related to a couple of the items I wrote about in my FAVORITE THINGS post and in my what I'm into post.

and for those of you without a blog.  Don't worry!  You can play too!

Be sure to get writing and come back on THIS THURSDAY to party along with me!