Thoughts on Mother's Day

Today, like every other 2nd Sunday of May is Mother's day.  The day when moms around the United States are pampered, gifted and told how much they are cherished.  Right?

Yesterday as I sat watching Sassy play in a softball tournament,  Smiley came bounding over and exclaimed,  "Mom tomorrow we might make breakfast for you!  Might."

Her excitement for the day and sweet thought regarding breakfast was adorable.  I loved that her little 5 year old brain understood that there was a definite possibility that breakfast would not be made for me and I shouldn't get my hopes up.

She was right.  I woke this morning before everyone, took our dog for a walk, showered, woke up one child after another.   When everyone was dressed and ready, we were out the door for 9am church.  Oh, and breakfast?  For me that consisted of a yogurt (the kids and hubby ate left over cinnamon rolls).

Church was nice, and the kids didn't bug each other which is a gift of itself!  Following church we attempted to go out for brunch and were turned down at two restaurants as they were only taking those who had reservations, something we didn't have.  We threw in the towel and came home.  I was gifted ~ a "cook book" from Smiley that her preschool teachers put together.  Each child told their teacher one of their favorite recipes that their mom makes.  Smiley?  Her addition was Peanut Butter and Jelly.  I must tell you the directions as told by Smiley:

"My Mom puts peanut butter on a bread with a knife.  She gets another bread and puts jelly on top of the other bread.  She puts it on a plate and cuts it in half.  I like water and Cheetos with it."

Yes, I am all things gourmet ~ can't you tell :)

Action wrote me a poem and drew a picture (he would be embarrassed if I posted the lovely sentiments on here).

Sassy made me a card.

All of them gave me flowers (actually I came home from a girls night out on Friday with a bouquet of beautiful flowers awaiting me on the kitchen island) and a fitbit (which I have been interested in and absolutely did NOT expect).

I do not expect gifts.  I do not expect to be pampered.  Is it nice? Yes.  Is it thoughtful? Yes.  I love seeing the gifts the kids make for me and the excitement on their faces as they exclaim "Happy Mother's Day!"

I have many different women in my life and each of them has a different expectation of mother's day.

And just like these many different expectations, there are many different kind of Mothers.  Some good mothers, some not so good.  On the flip side, there are so many who want to be Mothers, would give anything to have a child to hold in their arms, to call their own.  There are Mother's who have lost a child or children.  And, simply, there are other women who are too young, not ready or honestly not interested in having children who are perhaps some of the most loving, exemplary role models for our children.  Why not celebrate all of these women?  Why not pray for all of these women.

While I personally love the sentiment of Mother's Day,  I would like to declare today "Woman Day".  I am going to celebrate the women in my children's lives who teach them to love, to be compassionate, to know happiness, and to know they are good enough just the way they are.  I am celebrating those women who share joy, teach values and have expectations of my children.  I'm talking about myself, as the mother of my own children hoping every day that I am doing enough, teaching enough and loving enough.  I'm talking about their Grandmothers, Great Grandmothers, Aunts and other family members.  I'm talking about the mother of my children's friends, and about the neighbor next door, who keeps an eye on the neighborhood and loves seeing our kids running around.  I'm talking about all the  teachers that spend a lot of time with my children, and so many other children almost every single day.  I am also talking about the celebrity or athlete on TV that my children look up to because they see you on TV, in the theatre, and on the radio.  They watch how you act, what you say and how people react to you.   Regardless of who you are or if you are a Mother,  if you are a woman and you care about my children (whether you know them personally or not) and about  how they act, what they think, and you want to see them become successful, confident, compassionate adults I thank you.  I thank you for your role in their lives and I thank you for taking this role seriously.

I know I am not a perfect Mom.  I know that it takes a village to raise a child.  And I personally want to say Happy Woman's Day to every single woman who helps me raise my children to be the best that they can be!

Happy Mother's day and Happy Woman's day!

Something to Think About ~ Mother's Day ~ Take 2

A little over a week ago,  I posted some of my thoughts regarding an blog post that I had read titled, "Ten Things I Really F'ing Want for Mother's Day".  Reading this post struck a cord with me and it wasn't really a good one.  And I posted my feelings, on my personal blog for all of you to read.

I had many comments condemning me for judging other Mothers.  Honestly, I am one of the last people  to judge anyone.  I am FAR from a "perfect" mother.  And I FULLY recognize this. For example:  My kids have on occasion been known to watch TV and play video games for longer than they should.  My house is not always clean ~ right now, dishes sit in the sink, papers are strewn about and pillows and blankets from last nights fort building still lay on the floor.  Don't even go into the guest room, that's where I've been folding laundry and it is currently impossible to see the bed.  Dinners I create are not always amazing and I am known to loose my patience when the kids complain about the food I've set before them (there are SO many children who don't have a meal to eat or a table to set it on). And the list goes on and on and on.  Here's the thing,  I know and understand we all walk our own paths, our lives are all busy and complicated for many different reasons, and each one of us handles every circumstance differently.  We all respond to stress and anxiety in our own ways.  

Am I telling you you can't or shouldn't go out with your friends?  Absolutely NOT!  Go out, we NEED our friends!  We NEED dates with our husbands.  We NEED to give ourselves a break from our kiddos to keep our emotional tanks full! 

Am I insinuating you don't love your kids because you found the post funny or feel the same way as the author of it?  No Way!

My point in writing this post was to point out that our children grow up so very fast.  And every single moment counts, so savor them!  Think about this:  If you have your child from birth until the age of 18 (I know this is not always the case) you have about 6,575 days with your child.  That might sound like a lot, but take out about 6 hours each day your child is in school starting roughly at age 5 (not including preschool).  That's 13 years at 6 hours/day for about 170 school days.  Now your down to having your children for only 6,021 days.  That's down 553 days.  

So, 6021 days to enjoy your child.  And that doesn't include sleeping time,  the amount of time work (paid or volunteer work)  pulls us away from them, extracurricular classes and/or sports consume them, friends occupy them and as they get older, jobs engage them. 

Time is short.  It is fleeing.  And for me, I choose to enjoy every snuggle, middle of the night waking, and  homemade gift and card, with or without macaroni.  Is it easy to always enjoy these things?  No, sometimes it is a completely conscious choice I have to make.  And this choice is hard, when I am tired and want a full nights rest without having to change sheets on another wet bed or when I want to sleep in and snuggle with my hubby.  And yes, I would like to shower in peace without someone pounding on the door and eat my lunch in its entirety before having to wipe a butt.  But this isn't the case.  At least not for me, not right now.  And I wouldn't have it ANY OTHER WAY!

Let me leave you with this true story:

This story begins with me as a carefree high school-er.  The time of your life, when you are invincible, right? :)   The day began like every other.  Hanging out with friends, chatting at our lockers, but wondering why we hadn't seen our good friend "Mike" (I have changed his name).  He seldom missed a day of school.  The day went on normally until early afternoon, when the entire school was called to the auditorium for an unplanned announcement.  The solemn faces we saw as we entered the auditorium told us this was not going to be a good announcement.  They told us of a tragedy involving our friend Mike's 9 year old sister.  I don't remember the principal giving us much for details, but the details were all over the news that evening.  My friends little 9 year old sister was kidnapped while delivering news papers with her family (something they did every morning and they split up a bit to make the route go faster).  She was raped, murdered and found later that day abandoned in a gravel pit.  My friend and I lost contact and he was never the same after that, how could you be.  But I can guarantee that their mother would have given ANYTHING for more snuggles, more kisses, more homemade gifts from her as well as to be awoken in the middle of the night because her beautiful daughter had a bad dream.  Her daughter who would now never need her again.  Her daughter she would never see grow into a beautiful woman.  Her daughter who would never be married or have children.

I know of other families who have lost their children.  Tragedies happen every single day.  Accidents can not be prevented and any of these things could happen to my family at any moment.  We are not exempt.  And I will NOT live with anxiety or fear because these things could happen, but I do refuse to live with regret.  So I will make conscious decisions every single day to savor all 6021 days!  Actually I only have 2147 more until my 12 year old turns 18 and perhaps heads off to college............ :(

Always remember, 

The days may be long,

but the years are short!

Mother's Day ~ Something to Think About

Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in March or May. It complements Father's Day, a similar celebration honoring fathers.
Via ~ Wikipedia

I'm certain most of you realize Mother's day is this Sunday, only a few days away.  
I also know that many of you who read my blog are mothers.  And for you I have a question......

You see, a friend of mine posted a link to this blog post on Facebook entitled "Ten Things I Really F'ing Want for Mother's Day"

Seriously?

Go ahead and read it, or skim it.  I'll wait.................
.................................................................................
.................................................................................

Well?

Numbers's 4, 5, 9 and 10 have my jaw on the floor.

Here are my comments, I'll go in order....

1.  Yep, I'm tired of wiping butts ~ Smiley is on the verge of independence on that one, but can not quite be trusted :)

2.  I like brunch ~ and as long as I'm with people I care about, I'm happy

3.  Sleeping in......anything past 4:40am is sleeping in for me

4.  I would love a card ~ one created by Hallmark and meticulously chosen by someone I love, or one made using any or all of the following: paint, markers, glitter, crayons, tape, glue and or macaroni and no sauce and wine necessary.

5.  Jewelry ~ Sure.  Beads and Macaroni noodles more than welcome.  And this year, it was a shrinky dink pendant with a beautiful drawing of me on it.  Thanks to Smiley ~ who HAD to give it to me TODAY because she was so excited and proud and that is what makes the gift so unbelievably special!

6.  I'm ok with this one, but absolutely use our kitchen.  And honestly, cereal and fruit or yogurt is just fine with me.  Actually, a cup of coffee that someone else brewed (and in our own coffee pot is just fine) would be perfect!

7.  Yes, it would be nice to use the bathroom just once without someone trying to come in. 

8.  Chocolate is good.  I don't need any, but if you must, I prefer milk chocolate.

9.  What?  If a present is given, it is the thought that counts.  Just because I may not love it, doesn't make your effort and thoughtfulness any less valued!

10.  ARE YOU KIDDING?  Why are you a mother?


I'm sure, at least I hope that this blog post was written in humor (and no offense to my friend!).  

I just don't see it.  

Maybe it's because as I look around me, those little ones whose tiny diapers I used to change are not so little anymore.  They are 12, 9 and 4.  They are becoming more and more independent every.single.day.  The middle of the night (newborn/baby) and morning snuggles that use to be an everyday occurrence are already becoming few and far between.  And there will come a day when I long to hear them pitter pattering around in the mornings, when the house is too quiet, and I crave a knock on the bathroom door, just because it means they are home and there is something so unbelievably important that a 2 minute trip to the bathroom must be interrupted.  And yes, presents are always nice ~ whether they are something I truly love, or something I love because someone important to me had me in mind when they picked it out.  Handmade cards and gifts ~ bring them on!  Not because I love to accessorize with macaroni, but because the look on the face and the excitement in the heart of the giver is an absolute gift in and of itself.  

There are so many women who LONG to be mothers........

And I am lucky, I have three beautiful children and the smiles on their faces are what fill my soul.  I am a mother.  And I would never want that to change.  So please don't EVER give me "Leave me the Fuck Alone" coupons that never expire as that lovely blogger so eloquently expressed.   Yes, there are occasions I need to take a breather and times I need to go out with "the girls".  There are moments I wish my children would stop bickering and whining, but I would take those noises over the sounds of an empty home any day.  

So this Mother's day, I will wear my Shrinky Dink necklace, carefully created and designed by my 4 year old with pride.  And I will savor the day.... with an early start I'm certain, bickering, butt wiping included, but with my family and that my friends is the only present I need.  (ok, they can clean their respective rooms without me asking.... that would be a most wonderful gift!)

And now the question(s)...
What did you think of this blog post, and what do you really want for Mother's day?