What if's.....

I'm not a person who usually worries, but yesterday, worry began to sneak in.

My day started like any other.  Well, maybe not exactly like every other.  Sassy and Action actually slept in a little bit.  But then it was breakfast and off to the health club as usual.  A run, a chat with friends, a little overall body work, some much needed stretching and we were off to the next thing.  A trip to Sam's Club.  But when I got into the car and checked my phone messages there was one there that planted a little seed of worry.

It was a pre-op call from the Children's hospital, regarding Smiley's upcoming eye surgery.  Upcoming as in tomorrow morning at 8am.

I hadn't been worried about this surgery at all.

But I guess I am.  I'm not worried about the decision we have made to have the surgery to straighten her eyes (the technical name of the procedure she is having is bilateral strabismus repair) .  We tried glasses.  They didn't work.  Her vision is equally good in both eyes, so there was no eye patching to be had (Sassy did LOTs of patching.  We've been there and I was willing to go there again). So to straighten her eyes, surgery is the next option.   (You can read Smiley's story here and Sassy's story here)

When I called the Day Surgery Nurse back, she asked me lots of questions, mostly regarding health history and pre-operation physical information.  When she was done asking questions, she went over the items we needed to bring..... my photo ID, her physical report, insurance card, comfort items......

Comfort Items.

That's what got me.  This is big.  She needs her blankie. She may need her baby and her "Minnie". She'll need me and she'll need her Daddy.  She may feel like crud (Sassy puked all the way home ~ 40 minute drive).  Her eyes may hurt and feel like they itch and have sand in them.

That little seed that was planted when I first heard the voice mail from the nurse, well it began to grow and fester ......

What if something bad happens during surgery?
What if there is a slip of the hand by the Doctor?
What if she reacts to the anesthetic?
What if it doesn't work?
What if she gets and infection?
What if.....
What if.....
What if.................?

The thing is, my worry gets me nowhere.  Really, it just creates more anxiety.  And honestly, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, is out of my control.  Someone much bigger than me is in control.  And I pray and put my trust in him.

In You In You I find my peace

In You In You I find my strength

In You I live and move and breathe

Let everything I say and do

Be founded by my faith in You

I lift up holy hands and sing

Let the praises ring!

 © 2002 Sony

LET THE PRAISES RING LYRICS - LINCOLN BREWSTER

So I pray, I trust, and I try to let go of my worry.   I may or may not sleep well tonight.  I will try not to  fret as I sit in the waiting room tomorrow morning and I will rush into the recovery room to hold my little girl as soon as she wakes up  from her procedure.  I will hold her hair and bucket if need be.  And snuggle her as much as she wants.  And through it all, I will praise God for so much, and pray for peace and trust in my heart.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27  

Something to Think About Sunday

I have been blessed with many special people in my life. Most of them influence me in one way or another. Sometimes positively, sometimes negatively.

There is one person who I have had the pleasure of meeting within the last year, who has influenced me tremendously.

I will admit, when I first met him, I did not care for him much. Honestly, some of the things he did drove me crazy. And now that he has moved away and I no longer see him, I miss his presence, his words, and our conversations. I am left to think of the impact he had on my life and in such a short period of time.

Being in his presence made me think about and question my life and my religion. He made me want to be a better person, wife, mother and christian.

I doubt he even knows the impact he has made.

I only pray I can take what he gave me during these few months and give it to others.

You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

~Scott Adams

Why Me?

I often ask myself ~ "Why am I so lucky?"

I have not had a hard life. My family is loving and supportive, I have a wonderful husband, amazing children (I am only a tiny bit partial), understanding friends, and a strong faith.

This does not mean that things are always easy, my marriage perfect or my children angels. But I am truly blessed.

So why am I so lucky, when there is so much pain and sorrow in the world? I was thinking of this again today, because of this little girl named Kaleigh. You can read her story here: (http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/). The fight in this little girl is inspirational and she is only 10 months old. My heart aches for her family daily. They will actually be featured on the show "The Doctors" on Wednesday May 13th. There are so many stories like this and so many other stories of pain and sorrow!

(Update ~ was reading up on Kaleigh this morning and found out she is now in Heaven ~ please pray for her family!)

So why am I so lucky? I don't know. But I do know that I have my faith and my prayers. I do feel like I should do more to help those in need, in pain, in sorrow. And those struggling with yesterday, trying to get through today and worrying about tomorrow. But for now I pray ~ and pray hard. And I thank God everyday for the blessing he has bestowed on me.

On a lighter note:
Sassy won her first softball game of the season! 13-1