Dilated

I had an eye exam.

Every time I go, my doctor tells me something new.

More on that another day.

For now, I'm just embracing my dilated pupils and they are loving the fact that it is a cloudy day.....

Friday Facts

Ready for my factual friday?

Here are the facts of the week:

Fact:  My siblings and I achieved the element of surprise when we threw a 40th anniversary party for my parents.

Fact:  We took the kids to see Santa.   Only one child was a bit bummed when we left.  Santa wasn't so sure about the gift that was requested.

Fact:  Santa, choir (Sassy), basketball (Sassy), church, basketball (Action), shopping, football (yes, that was a Steeler victory I'm talking about) and basketball (Action's game).  These were the evening events this week (including tonight) at our house this week.

Fact:  I have a bad nagging cold with a very annoying cough.  It is also making me sort of crabby (sorry honey!)

Fact:  Finally all of the Christmas decorations are up.

Fact:  I was not very consistent in my working out this week.  I blame my cold.

Fact:  Smiley had an eye appointment yesterday.  Man that girl has come a LONG way since last spring.  Remember her eye crossing?  How about her 20/40 vision (which was typical for her age) or her broken glasses.... more than once (I think in 4 months I used the warranty 2 times, not to mention the numerous times we went back for minor and major adjustments).
Do you remember her surgery last August.  The fear of the unknown for me, wondering if we had made the right choice.  Fearing that a mistake could be made.

Well, yesterday she flew through her eye exam, doing things she hadn't done before.  You see before she couldn't see in 3D.  Yesterday though, no problem.  Before her eyes were crossed.  Not yesterday, not.at.ALL.  And before her vision was 20/40.  Yesterday she tested at 20/25.  Wow!  What a difference a few months make!

Fact:  Sassy had an enormous amount of homework last night.  The most she has had in awhile.  I love that she can sit, focus and get it done.  That makes my job as a parent so much easier.

Fact:  Action has been outside sledding and snowboarding well past dark (come on people, it gets dark before 5).  He is loving the snow and the cold.

Fact:  I'm typing this right now, at the kitchen table, in my comfy clothes and slippers, with no noise except for the spinning of the washing machine.  But, that is all about to change.  The pitter patter of little feet will soon be present.  So I am off.   Enjoy your Friday!  Hoping to get the perfect Christmas card picture tomorrow.  Wish me luck :)

Embrace the Camera ~ After Surgery

Yesterday Smiley had eye surgery.

We had to be at the hospital an hour early, to check in, go over paper work and to get her acclimated.  While we were taking care of business, she had a fabulous time playing with all the "new" toys.

Daddy held her when the Anesthesiologist gave her the medicine for her "nap".  She drifted off in his arms.  Then, Hubby and I went to the family waiting room and...... waited.  About 40 minutes later, her Doctor walked through the doors and reassured us that everything went perfectly.  We waited another half hour to be told we could finally go and be with her in her recovery room.  Sleepy head did not want to wake up.  Unfortunately, Hubby had to leave to catch a flight for work.  So I sat with her.  Watching her chest rise and fall with each breath.  Listening to her every movement.

She finally woke up.  And when she did, she sat up, looked around the room and said, "Where Daddy go?"  She was bummed that he wasn't there, thrilled she got a popsicle, happy to also get crackers and apple juice and very cranky that she couldn't go back and play with the toys.

Finally, she was discharged we went home.  When we arrived, we snuggled together and dozed off and on, while my sister played games with Sassy and Action.

So today I embrace the Camera with my little girl, just home from having eye surgery.  Both of us a little tired, and me very thankful for all of those who sent us their prayers and well wishes, as well as for God, who answers our prayers, and puts people in our lives to help us, guide us, protect us, teach us and love us.

Now go get out from behind the camera!

What if's.....

I'm not a person who usually worries, but yesterday, worry began to sneak in.

My day started like any other.  Well, maybe not exactly like every other.  Sassy and Action actually slept in a little bit.  But then it was breakfast and off to the health club as usual.  A run, a chat with friends, a little overall body work, some much needed stretching and we were off to the next thing.  A trip to Sam's Club.  But when I got into the car and checked my phone messages there was one there that planted a little seed of worry.

It was a pre-op call from the Children's hospital, regarding Smiley's upcoming eye surgery.  Upcoming as in tomorrow morning at 8am.

I hadn't been worried about this surgery at all.

But I guess I am.  I'm not worried about the decision we have made to have the surgery to straighten her eyes (the technical name of the procedure she is having is bilateral strabismus repair) .  We tried glasses.  They didn't work.  Her vision is equally good in both eyes, so there was no eye patching to be had (Sassy did LOTs of patching.  We've been there and I was willing to go there again). So to straighten her eyes, surgery is the next option.   (You can read Smiley's story here and Sassy's story here)

When I called the Day Surgery Nurse back, she asked me lots of questions, mostly regarding health history and pre-operation physical information.  When she was done asking questions, she went over the items we needed to bring..... my photo ID, her physical report, insurance card, comfort items......

Comfort Items.

That's what got me.  This is big.  She needs her blankie. She may need her baby and her "Minnie". She'll need me and she'll need her Daddy.  She may feel like crud (Sassy puked all the way home ~ 40 minute drive).  Her eyes may hurt and feel like they itch and have sand in them.

That little seed that was planted when I first heard the voice mail from the nurse, well it began to grow and fester ......

What if something bad happens during surgery?
What if there is a slip of the hand by the Doctor?
What if she reacts to the anesthetic?
What if it doesn't work?
What if she gets and infection?
What if.....
What if.....
What if.................?

The thing is, my worry gets me nowhere.  Really, it just creates more anxiety.  And honestly, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, is out of my control.  Someone much bigger than me is in control.  And I pray and put my trust in him.

In You In You I find my peace

In You In You I find my strength

In You I live and move and breathe

Let everything I say and do

Be founded by my faith in You

I lift up holy hands and sing

Let the praises ring!

 © 2002 Sony

LET THE PRAISES RING LYRICS - LINCOLN BREWSTER

So I pray, I trust, and I try to let go of my worry.   I may or may not sleep well tonight.  I will try not to  fret as I sit in the waiting room tomorrow morning and I will rush into the recovery room to hold my little girl as soon as she wakes up  from her procedure.  I will hold her hair and bucket if need be.  And snuggle her as much as she wants.  And through it all, I will praise God for so much, and pray for peace and trust in my heart.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27  

Really? They're just glasses.

If you come by and visit often, you've probably already noticed.

Smiley now has glasses.

I admit, I was upset at the news.   Me being shallow I suppose, but here is the story of how they came to be.

You see, Sassy (Smiley's older sister who is 10) has had her share of eye struggles.  It all started when she was 3 and we found out instead of being able to see 20/20, she could only see 20/1000.  I'm not going to go into details, but go here to read the story of her eyes.

Ever since then, I watch my children's eyes closely.  Just by looking them in person and in pictures.  I've never noticed anything with Action's eyes. But with Smiley, I didn't feel like they were straight and took her into the pediatric ophthalmologist when she was just shy of being 1 year old.  The doctor told me there was nothing to worry about at that point.  She had something called pseudo-strabismus, which is basically when one eye appears to turn in (typically in infants, but is usually outgrown) due to a wide nose or extra skin between the nose and eye.  We went home relieved.

But, I couldn't help but watch her eyes.  I felt like once in awhile I would notice one of her eyes turning in.  A friend of mine mentioned she thought she noticed the other one turning in.

Then, one day at lunch, Sassy yelled out for me concerned that Smiley's "eyes were everywhere".

I came to the table looked in shock at her eyes.  At one point both eyes were turned in, then one, then the other.  She was all over the place.

I calmly called the Doctor and amazingly got in to see him 1 1/2 weeks later.

We were there for 2 hours.  And the verdict.... surprising even her doctor... her vision was (is) typical for a two year old.  They expected it to be worse with the severity of her crossing.

The prescription:  Glasses. Putting her eyes at 20/20 (a typical 2 year old sees around 20/60).  Fingers crossed that glasses correct the turning otherwise surgery would be the next step.

And honestly, when I left the doctor's office that day.  I was a bag of mixed emotions.  Yay, her vision wasn't bad, there weren't any underlying causes for the crossing and all she had to do was wear glasses.

So what was my problem?  I have another girl in glasses.

That was my problem?  I have another girl in glasses.

I didn't want my daughter to wear glasses.  She's so cute without.

I didn't want my daughter to wear glasses.  It would be a struggle to get her to keep them on.

I didn't want my daughter to wear glasses.  Her sister, Sassy looks in the mirror now and says,  "Mom, I'd be so much prettier if I didn't have to wear glasses."  And I didn't/don't ever want Smiley to feel that way.

I just wanted my Smiley ~ flashing her beautiful lashes, sans glasses.

Really Wendy!

How petty.

There are so many other things that could have been wrong.  And all Smiley needs is glasses to hopefully correct the problem.

There are so many other people, suffering much greater trials, illnesses, medical problems and circumstances and I am upset because my daughter needs glasses!

How can I even allow myself to feel this way?

I guess that's me being real and imperfect.

You see, we all have feelings.  Some may be exaggerated, some my be spot on and some may be repressed.  But they are there.

And, I've come to terms with the glasses.  It didn't take me long.  I admit, I threw myself a little pity party. And then I heard these words "At least she's not blind."  And while that is exactly not what I wanted to hear, she gave me what I needed.  A good dose of reality!  You see there are so many worse things and glasses, well, we'll just call them a new accessory.

81.  A first Birthday

82.  Celebrating an accomplishment

83.  A clean house

84.  Brighter Colors

85.  Laughing with my In-Laws

86.  My family who knows how to rally together

87.  My beautiful 10 year old daughter

88.  My Amazing Husband

89.  Warm water, the smell of chlorine and smiles at the indoor pool

90.  My Mom

Embrace the Camera

Sassy and I got something new.

I had this problem

Hers were scratched and getting too small for her face.

*disclaimer ~ hubby took these and his camera skills need some work ☺

Before:

After #1

After #2 ~ she got 2 pairs ~ you just never know what might happen to them when your 9 and play basketball and softball!

Don't we look studious?

11. The short quiet moments
12. The comfort my arms alone can provide

13. My vision ~ while it is far from perfect I have the ability to see

The story of a girl and her glasses

I have a story to tell, and it's kind of long.  But it's a story I want to tell.  One, I will always remember.
So go grab yourself a little snack and get comfy.
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Ready?

Ok........

Wait, one more thing ~ just a little warning that all of the pics have been scanned in and are not the best of quality ~ but you'll get the picture, I think :)

When She was born, we noticed her eyes right away.  Blue and beautiful.

As she grew older her eye lashes grew longer and her beautiful blue eyes seemed to sparkle.

She was spunky, happy and stubborn.  As she learned to talk the four words we most heard from her were, "I do it MYself"
So, when during her 3 year well-check she didn't want to "test" her eyes I was only mildly surprised.  Her doctor said she looked perfect ~ of picture of health (especially since she had ear tubes put in  when she was 11 months old).  She mentioned to keep an eye on Sassy's eyes and if I noticed anything weird ~ falling down a lot, squinting, or anything suspicious to call.

It was maybe 1 week later when I saw it.

I was putting some snapshots into a photo album.  It was so obvious.  How had I never noticed before?!  In many pictures my beautiful Sassy had 1 red eye and 1 normal eye. Weird.

And some of the time when it didn't turn out red, one eye seemed to be turning in.

We went back to the pediatrician.

We were referred to a pediatric opthamologist.

He is a very good doctor.

He is a very busy doctor.

We waited what felt like forever to see him.

And when we did, the results were shocking.

Sassy was 20/20 in her right eye ~ excellent!  And 20/1000 in her left eye!

That's right, 20/1000

She was diagnosed as having Amblyopia ~ which is basically loss of vision in one eye ~ for some reason, the brain prefers one eye over the other and does not turn the other eye on.  She also had significant crossing of
her left eye.

As a mother how could I not have known this!  I felt like I had failed my daughter.  I remember when her funny "trick" was to cross both of her eyes and then turn one back so she had one crossed eye and one straight eye.  Then she would make them both straight.  THIS WAS NO LONGER FUNNY!  Had I missed an important sign?

Well, we were determined to get her vision back.

She was prescribed glasses (which when on would mostly correct the turning of her left eye):

And had to patch her "good eye" 15 - 20 hours a week

while pretending to be pregnant.....  with a balloon.....

Just kidding!  Just had to see if you were still reading along :)

We had to go back and see the eye doctor every 3 months.

There was gradual improvement in her vision ~ with lots of tears and frustrations along the way.  I mean, really what 3 year old wants to wear a patch over the one eye they can see out of and basically walk around blind?

20/200

20/100

20/80

20/70 ~ stuck for what felt like FOR-E.V.E.R.

Still wearing glasses ~ trying to not scratch the heck out of them....

And still patching ~ and that got harder and harder.

She was busier.

And she was concerned about what her friends and other people might think.

There was lots of talk about "true" friends.

20/60

1st grade.

Eye alignment surgery.

We decided to have this surgery done to align Sassy's eyes.

She was "put under" and I cried.

Waited.

Nervous.

Never happier to see her eye doctor and hear him say she was being transported to recovery and that they would come and get us soon. He told us her surgery went perfectly.  Her eyes were finally straight and "man that girl has some beautiful eyelashes".

I just wanted my girl.

When we finally got to see her, her eyes were quite red and she was super nauseous.  I'll spare you the details and just tell you it was a very long 25 minute drive home.

The first thing she wanted to do when she got home was to look at her eyes.  Red or not the smile on her face when she saw how straight they were was priceless!

20/50

Woot Woot!!!

Straight eyes ~ WITHOUT GLASSES :)

 

Now, Sassy had to patch just enough to at least keep her vision where it was.

Appointments decreased from every 3 months to every 6.

20/40

No more patching, and we only have to see the doctor once a year.  Here she is and here she will stay.

Sassy, her long eyelashes, her beautiful blue/green/gray eyes that are perfect and straight.

Baby it's been long and at times frustrating for all of us, but you've been a champ.  You've come such a long way and I am so proud of you!