Plans

Quite honestly I have today planned out.

Kids off to school
Good, hard workout for myself
Drop Smiley off at a friends house
Dental appointment for myself
Pick Smiley up
Quick stop at the grocery store
Home for lunch
Read a few books
Put Smiley down for a nap
Prime some trim ~ around a door and two windows
Clean the house and work on laundry
Listen to the sound of the mood of the house change as Sassy and Action blow in from school
Homework
Have one of Sassy's friends come over for the evening to help her Dad out
Church for Sassy and Action
Dinner
Hang out/family time ~ probably with American Idol on in the background.
Bath night for Smiley
Chat with Sassy's friend's dad
Prayers
Get Sassy, Action and Smiley ready for and settled in bed
Put my feet up and relax.

But I received a phone call at 6am and my plans kind of went right out the window.

The phone call was from the kids' school.

Today is a SNOW DAY!

This will be the first snow day since Sassy started going to preschool 7 years ago.  (When I was growing up it seemed we had at least a couple per season)

The kids are still asleep and they will be beyond EXCITED to hear the news.

Me, well I will need to adjust my schedule and my plans for the day.

I guess a snow day is a small reminder to me from God, that I am not in charge.  He is truly in charge.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans of the human heart,

but it is the decision of the LORD that endures.

update....

The kids were/are excited 

their typical cereal breakfast turned into french toast and strawberries 

and now I am savoring the laughter and giggles as they play together...nicely for now anyway :)

Oh, and what are they playing you ask?

School, of course! 

Picture me {im}perfectly @ Capturing Motherhood

Is it really over?

2 weeks ago my house was still decked out with greenery, ribbon and wreaths.

Today, my tree and those of my neighbors lay alongside the road.

Waiting to be picked up.

Disposed of or perhaps recycled.

The gifts have been given and received.  Put away in new homes.  After all, a place for everything...

So,

Christmas is behind us.

Is it?

Should it be?

I hope not.  After all, Christmas isn't just about receiving.  It's about giving.  Giving of our gifts.  Not just material things, but the gifts of us:  our time, our energy, our patience, our praise, our prayers, our love... for everyone.

You maybe saw our Christmas card this year:

(yep, I got the idea via Pinterest)

But many of you probably haven't seen the inside.

This is the quote I chose to use this year:


Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself...

~Norman Wesley Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas," 1976


This is how I want to live this year. 

But it's easy to get stuck in a rut.  Feeling weary, run down, busy and worn thin.  I don't want to be that person.  The one who finds themselves easily frustrated because the toys on the floor never go away.  (Actually I think two more come out for every one I put away.)  Or the dinner that gets scowls as I set it on the table.  I want to be the person who is able to choose Christmas everyday, not just once a year.

Joy. Generosity. Love. Prayers.  Happiness. Anticipation. Excitement.

This is my resolution.

Picture Me {IM}Perfectly

perfect in my own way

I am an imperfect Mother.

I make meals ~ breakfast, lunch and supper (not to mention the snacks in between).  Note, they are not gourmet meals.  And while they may not be everyone's favorite meals and the words, "ewwwww GROSS"  may be muttered on occasion (meaning at least once a week) they are nutritious, warm, and satisfying. But most importantly, no matter how busy our nights are, we eat them together, as a family.

Every night, I help our kids with their homework ~ math, spelling, reading, etc.  I've come to realize that perhaps I am not "smarter than a fifth grader (I'm doing pretty good with the 2nd grade stuff, so far ~ HA!)".  There have been times I have relied on my Mom, who is a Jr. high math teacher, as well as Google.  It isn't always easy, but we always figure it out together.  The way we come to the correct answers doesn't matter.  What matters is that we are working together.

Laundry.  I always have laundry to do, but most days :)  no one has to wear anything dirty..... or noticeably dirty.  And that is good enough for me.  After all, there is so much more to my day than laundry.

My home is not always spotless.  I promise on any given day, you will find dust, at least one unmade bed, toys strewn about and much to my dismay ~ at least one strand of dog hair somewhere on the floor.  As annoying as it is tripping over a truck, a doll, puzzle pieces or blocks, the fact that these things are on my floor in the first place, means I have children in my life.  Children who mean absolutely everything to me.  I can deal with a few toys scattered about when the exchange is laughter, giggles, creative thinking and time together.  Personally, I would much rather have a few toys on my floor, than miss out on those things.

I find myself fixing my children's hair daily.  Whether it be a few spikes or at times a small mohawk for my son, or one of the many hairstyles (pigtails, "minnie ears", ponytails, braids, curls, etc.) my girls prefer, I am there for them.  Even if my hair needs its own fixing and my eyebrows a good waxing.  As mothers, we tend to put our needs aside to take care of the ones we love.  Selfless love.  However, our needs are important.  When I don't take care of myself, whether it be a long overdo haircut or eyebrow wax, too many days off from exercise, or a much needed girls night out, I find myself losing my patience easier, frustrated and in a rut.  As hard as it is to get away, because we are so busy, or just plain tired, it is important to find my own time.

 (One of Sassy's favorite hairstyles right now, is to have me braid her hair while damp at night, 

then she takes it out in the morning and can enjoy her lovely wavy locks all day)

And bedtime.  This is not always the easiest task at my house.  You see, most nights of the week, we are running from here to there.  Currently, we only have two things going on.  Football and Church.  Those things together take up 4 nights a week.  Soon we will have basketball for both Sassy and Action, as well as church.  But here's the deal.  No matter how crazy our evenings can be or unfortunately, how much past bedtime it is (although we try REALLY hard to maintain this) we always sit as a family and say "bedtime prayers".  This is our time, as a family to pray together, thanking, praising and asking God for the important things and for guidance in our lives.  It is so important to us that we teach our children the power and love of God.

So you see, I am a mother.  Far from perfect, but trying hard and learning to accept that I am  "good enough".  My house doesn't need to be spotless, and the laundry not always finished.  The important things are taken care of, nutrition, school work and hair.  But what truly matters, is that I strive to love selflessly, teach my children faithfully, and pray regularly.

We are making memories, learning, laughing and praying together.  The fact that I am not perfect, makes it all the more worthwhile.

They'll throw you in jail.

I hate to admit it, but I went there.

You see, Smiley isn't always the best shopper.  She's great if she's down, walking and has free reign of the store.  And frankly, that isn't the best option for a inquisitive 2 year old.  Much to her dismay, I  prefer her to be confined to her stroller or a cart.

So when we made a quick trip to Ikea last week, I immediately put her in a cart.  Life was good.  Smiley was chatting up a storm pointing at this and that.  When all of a sudden it started.

The screaming.
I'm not talking a holler or a yell, but a full out scream.  Just to let me know that she is completely displeased with that fact that she is not free and waking around.

So what did I do?  I got eye level with her and said, "If you don't stop screaming, the workers are going to call the police.  Then the police will come and put you in jail."

Her reply, "I no want to go to jail."

Guess what?

She didn't scream anymore.  And yes, I do feel a little bad about scaring her.  But my ears (and I'm sure the ears of those within a mile of us) said a big BIG thank-you!

I wish I was perfect, with perfect children but alas, I am not.  How boring life would be if I was!  And I wouldn't want it any other way :)

Reminding myself...

As the new school year approached, I wondered more than once, how Smiley would handle the change.  I know it was just her and I home together last year, but this year was different.

She was older, and all summer she had found companionship in her siblings.  And while she loves her big sister, she and her brother really began to play well together.  They would play cars, trucks, boats, and any other kind of motor vehicle they could find.  Don't get me wrong, they would begin to wear on each other and find ways to push each others buttons after awhile.  However, they would always come back to each other.

Obviously, school started.

Smiley did well with the "big kids" going to school.  But lately, she has been crabby, demanding, whiney, and just plain feisty.  Yesterday, well, yesterday was one of those days.  I had to facilitate a meeting for our church's parents group.  Smiley cried when I took her to the daycare ~ with kids and adults she knows.  She laid face down in the aisle of the shoe store (DSW to be exact) and wouldn't budge.  I'm still not sure why.  She stared me straight in the eyes and screamed at the top of her lungs when I told her she couldn't have a popsicle until after dinner.  She stuck her hand down the back side of her pants at Action's football practice and when I asked her to taker her hand out, she stuck it in farther and took off running across the field.  Bath time, which she loves, turned into screaming and crying when it came time to wash her hair.

She's coming down with a cold, and No,  typically our days don't include all of this fun rolled into one day.  But yes, definitely pieces of fun daily.  So last night, when she tried to crawl into bed with us at midnight, I gently walked her back into her room (like I do every night), tucked her back into bed and got her a drink of water.  Then when she woke up coughing at 4am, I went in her room, leaned up against her bed and just held her.

As I held her, it took me back to those middle of the night feedings only a short (ALMOST!) 3 years ago.  When it was just her and I, snuggling and rocking.  I felt bad for feeling so frustrated with her only a few hours before.  Time is fleeting.  She is growing, and changing and wanting so desperately to become independent.

I held her until the cough subsided and she melted fast asleep into my arms.  And then, I held her some more.  Because, I don't know when I will get moments like that again.  Finally after awhile, I gently laid her back in her bed, covered her up and went back to my own bed feeling a bit sad at my frustrations. So today, I'm going to try to embrace her stubbornness, her feisty nature, her independence and her beautiful heart because all of these qualities are what make her...... her.  And she is truly one of the loves of my life.

What if's.....

I'm not a person who usually worries, but yesterday, worry began to sneak in.

My day started like any other.  Well, maybe not exactly like every other.  Sassy and Action actually slept in a little bit.  But then it was breakfast and off to the health club as usual.  A run, a chat with friends, a little overall body work, some much needed stretching and we were off to the next thing.  A trip to Sam's Club.  But when I got into the car and checked my phone messages there was one there that planted a little seed of worry.

It was a pre-op call from the Children's hospital, regarding Smiley's upcoming eye surgery.  Upcoming as in tomorrow morning at 8am.

I hadn't been worried about this surgery at all.

But I guess I am.  I'm not worried about the decision we have made to have the surgery to straighten her eyes (the technical name of the procedure she is having is bilateral strabismus repair) .  We tried glasses.  They didn't work.  Her vision is equally good in both eyes, so there was no eye patching to be had (Sassy did LOTs of patching.  We've been there and I was willing to go there again). So to straighten her eyes, surgery is the next option.   (You can read Smiley's story here and Sassy's story here)

When I called the Day Surgery Nurse back, she asked me lots of questions, mostly regarding health history and pre-operation physical information.  When she was done asking questions, she went over the items we needed to bring..... my photo ID, her physical report, insurance card, comfort items......

Comfort Items.

That's what got me.  This is big.  She needs her blankie. She may need her baby and her "Minnie". She'll need me and she'll need her Daddy.  She may feel like crud (Sassy puked all the way home ~ 40 minute drive).  Her eyes may hurt and feel like they itch and have sand in them.

That little seed that was planted when I first heard the voice mail from the nurse, well it began to grow and fester ......

What if something bad happens during surgery?
What if there is a slip of the hand by the Doctor?
What if she reacts to the anesthetic?
What if it doesn't work?
What if she gets and infection?
What if.....
What if.....
What if.................?

The thing is, my worry gets me nowhere.  Really, it just creates more anxiety.  And honestly, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, is out of my control.  Someone much bigger than me is in control.  And I pray and put my trust in him.

In You In You I find my peace

In You In You I find my strength

In You I live and move and breathe

Let everything I say and do

Be founded by my faith in You

I lift up holy hands and sing

Let the praises ring!

 © 2002 Sony

LET THE PRAISES RING LYRICS - LINCOLN BREWSTER

So I pray, I trust, and I try to let go of my worry.   I may or may not sleep well tonight.  I will try not to  fret as I sit in the waiting room tomorrow morning and I will rush into the recovery room to hold my little girl as soon as she wakes up  from her procedure.  I will hold her hair and bucket if need be.  And snuggle her as much as she wants.  And through it all, I will praise God for so much, and pray for peace and trust in my heart.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27  

It's not always like this

There is a linky party that I like to participate in on a weekly basis.  It's called "Embrace the Camera" The whole premise of the party is to ~ step out from behind the camera and get in front of it.  What's the point you ask?  Well all to often we are running through life with our families and friends observing and snapping pictures of the moments.  But, as lives grow, people move on, and pass on,  don't we want pictures to show us all together?

Here's what party host Emily says about Embrace the Camera:

"in this day and age of the "momarazzi", many of us are always behind the lens...rather in front of it.

some of you feel much more comfy behind the lens, and i get that.

look, you think i want pictures of myself in the same velour jogging suit for the 3rd day in a row {i slept in that jogging suit each night too---i know, gross, right?}

well, i don't really want those pictures...but my kids do---or, at least they will one day.

how many of you LOVE looking at pictures of your parents, when they were young{er}?

i'm raising my hand!

sadly, i don't have a lot of pictures with me and my mom from when i was younger.

i am off to change this for my kids.

i want them to have an abundance of pictures...to remind them of these days that we spent at home together.

the days may seem to drag...but honestly, the years fly.

is my son really about to graduate...from kindergarten?

wasn't it yesterday that i was wiping his diapered bottom?  and now i am wiping his pee up from all around the toilet. embrace the pee.

and embrace the camera."

Ok, with that being said, a couple of weeks ago, I posted this picture of my hubby and I that Sassy took as we were getting ready to head out the door for a date.

Well, I received lost of super nice comments.

But let me just say, for the record, that this is not how I look on a daily basis.  Sure, I would love to dress up (heck, lets just go with "get dressed"), and fix my make up and hair every day.

But alas, I am not perfect, I workout, I sweat, and I run around with the kids all day ~ actually with them as well as running them here and there.  My theory is if it is hot outside, and I'm going to just sit outside and sweat, therefore needing another shower at the end of the day, why get all beautified, when I'm going to melt in a few minutes anyway?

So here you go, 

A scary peek at a few days of "outfits"  ~ if they can even be called that!

Ok, so I got dressed 1 day ~ Smiley had a doctor's appointment :)

We went camping over the weekend so I mostly wore my swim suit 

~ and there's no need to post that on the web!

Today though, today I might actually get dressed too ~ no running (well, actual, work out running)

for me today.

But the point is,

Blogs look pretty.

The people on the blogs look pretty 

(really, did you notice Action's shirt in the last pic ~ bubbles!  He'd been playing bubbles with Smiley).

The homes on most blogs look pretty 

(yep, that green star thingy sat on my floor for 2 days..... oh well ~ you should see the rest of the house!)

But is that reality?

Not at my house.

So you see, I'm not perfect, 

Far from actually.

But,  I just try to do my best with the roles I've been given for that day.  

And somedays, lets be honest, most days I'm a sweaty, hot mess! :)