My day started like any other. Well, maybe not exactly like every other. Sassy and Action actually slept in a little bit. But then it was breakfast and off to the health club as usual. A run, a chat with friends, a little overall body work, some much needed stretching and we were off to the next thing. A trip to Sam's Club. But when I got into the car and checked my phone messages there was one there that planted a little seed of worry.
It was a pre-op call from the Children's hospital, regarding Smiley's upcoming eye surgery. Upcoming as in tomorrow morning at 8am.
I hadn't been worried about this surgery at all.
But I guess I am. I'm not worried about the decision we have made to have the surgery to straighten her eyes (the technical name of the procedure she is having is bilateral strabismus repair) . We tried glasses. They didn't work. Her vision is equally good in both eyes, so there was no eye patching to be had (Sassy did LOTs of patching. We've been there and I was willing to go there again). So to straighten her eyes, surgery is the next option. (You can read Smiley's story here and Sassy's story here)
When I called the Day Surgery Nurse back, she asked me lots of questions, mostly regarding health history and pre-operation physical information. When she was done asking questions, she went over the items we needed to bring..... my photo ID, her physical report, insurance card, comfort items......
That's what got me. This is big. She needs her blankie. She may need her baby and her "Minnie". She'll need me and she'll need her Daddy. She may feel like crud (Sassy puked all the way home ~ 40 minute drive). Her eyes may hurt and feel like they itch and have sand in them.
That little seed that was planted when I first heard the voice mail from the nurse, well it began to grow and fester ......
What if something bad happens during surgery?
What if there is a slip of the hand by the Doctor?
What if she reacts to the anesthetic?
What if it doesn't work?
What if she gets and infection?
The thing is, my worry gets me nowhere. Really, it just creates more anxiety. And honestly, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, is out of my control. Someone much bigger than me is in control. And I pray and put my trust in him.
In You In You I find my peace
In You In You I find my strength
In You I live and move and breathe
Let everything I say and do
Be founded by my faith in You
I lift up holy hands and sing
Let the praises ring!
© 2002 Sony
So I pray, I trust, and I try to let go of my worry. I may or may not sleep well tonight. I will try not to fret as I sit in the waiting room tomorrow morning and I will rush into the recovery room to hold my little girl as soon as she wakes up from her procedure. I will hold her hair and bucket if need be. And snuggle her as much as she wants. And through it all, I will praise God for so much, and pray for peace and trust in my heart.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.