Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What if's.....

I'm not a person who usually worries, but yesterday, worry began to sneak in.

My day started like any other.  Well, maybe not exactly like every other.  Sassy and Action actually slept in a little bit.  But then it was breakfast and off to the health club as usual.  A run, a chat with friends, a little overall body work, some much needed stretching and we were off to the next thing.  A trip to Sam's Club.  But when I got into the car and checked my phone messages there was one there that planted a little seed of worry.

It was a pre-op call from the Children's hospital, regarding Smiley's upcoming eye surgery.  Upcoming as in tomorrow morning at 8am.

I hadn't been worried about this surgery at all.

But I guess I am.  I'm not worried about the decision we have made to have the surgery to straighten her eyes (the technical name of the procedure she is having is bilateral strabismus repair) .  We tried glasses.  They didn't work.  Her vision is equally good in both eyes, so there was no eye patching to be had (Sassy did LOTs of patching.  We've been there and I was willing to go there again). So to straighten her eyes, surgery is the next option.   (You can read Smiley's story here and Sassy's story here)

When I called the Day Surgery Nurse back, she asked me lots of questions, mostly regarding health history and pre-operation physical information.  When she was done asking questions, she went over the items we needed to bring..... my photo ID, her physical report, insurance card, comfort items......

Comfort Items.

That's what got me.  This is big.  She needs her blankie. She may need her baby and her "Minnie". She'll need me and she'll need her Daddy.  She may feel like crud (Sassy puked all the way home ~ 40 minute drive).  Her eyes may hurt and feel like they itch and have sand in them.

That little seed that was planted when I first heard the voice mail from the nurse, well it began to grow and fester ......

What if something bad happens during surgery?
What if there is a slip of the hand by the Doctor?
What if she reacts to the anesthetic?
What if it doesn't work?
What if she gets and infection?
What if.....
What if.....
What if.................?

The thing is, my worry gets me nowhere.  Really, it just creates more anxiety.  And honestly, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, is out of my control.  Someone much bigger than me is in control.  And I pray and put my trust in him.

In You In You I find my peace
In You In You I find my strength
In You I live and move and breathe
Let everything I say and do
Be founded by my faith in You
I lift up holy hands and sing
Let the praises ring!
 © 2002 Sony

So I pray, I trust, and I try to let go of my worry.   I may or may not sleep well tonight.  I will try not to  fret as I sit in the waiting room tomorrow morning and I will rush into the recovery room to hold my little girl as soon as she wakes up  from her procedure.  I will hold her hair and bucket if need be.  And snuggle her as much as she wants.  And through it all, I will praise God for so much, and pray for peace and trust in my heart.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27  


Vivian said...

Wendy I'll be praying for you and her. She will come out fine. Be positive. be happy because she can sense it if otherwise. The best to you xoxoxo

Heather from wearetheholdens.blogspot.com said...

Oh Wendy, this is so well written. I've been there and know your feelings. But even better He knows... SO awesome how your giving this over to Him. Praying for you and your little.

the treat girl said...

It has been FOR.EVER since I've been able to hop around to all of my bloggy friends....I'm soooo happy to get to this post so I can pray hard for you all!!!! God is Good all the time!!!!! Bless you Wendy!!

hill said...

praying for you. i hope today was full of His perfect peace. thanks for linking up.

Jennifer Juniper said...

What if everything works out perfectly and we look back and say "I'm so glad we did this, it was the right decision"? What if that? Huh? :)