"Wendy you have no idea"

While we were on our little family trip, I was fortunate enough to be able to find a few moments between fishing, swimming and tending to my kiddos to enjoy a little conversation with some amazing women, my husband's grandmother and 3 of her friends (of which I would like to call mine as well).  Anyway, my husband's grandpa passed away the day Action was baptized ~ almost 7 years ago.  And one of the other women, "D"'s husband "J" passed away this past February.  They both had cancer.

"D" said some words that I will never forget.  She was speaking about love and the love she had (has) for her husband when she looked straight at me and said, "Wendy, you have no idea."  She explained that her love for him changed as he continued to get weaker.  It became "a more, respectful love."  Respect for him, for his life, for the journey he was on, for what he gave others, what he gave her, for his pain, for his strength......

She continued on and explained that Her and "J" loved each other, and they both knew it.  But this last year of his life they had said the words to each other so much more.  And they held hands.  They held hands probably more than they ever had.  

And I just sat.  Listening. Taking in every word she spoke; thankful to be sitting amongst such brave and amazing women.  


And I am reminded that all to often, I don't give my husband my time or "show him" my love.  By the time the supper dishes and homework are done, the kids have been driven here or there, bathed, prayed with, read to, tucked into bed, kisses doled out, I am done.  I want to take my time card and check out, put my feet up, read a few blogs, maybe write one of my own, read a book or maybe watch a little TV.  

But is this why I married him?  So I could quietly sit next to him in a room and do my own thing.  Not that doing your own thing is bad, actually it's good for you, however telling my husband and showing my husband how much I love him shouldn't feel like one more thing on my to do list.

So those amazing women, well they are so right.  I DON'T have a clue!  I don't know what it is like to have the love of my life become so very ill.  I don't know what it is like to have a man who was once so strong, become so weak and dependent.  I don't know what it is like to wake up alone every morning knowing that I will never be able to physically touch my husband again.

But I do know this, I am an imperfect wife.  I make mistakes.  I get frustrated.  But I don't want to wake up some morning regretting that I should have held my husbands hand more, or given him one more back rub instead of reading a friendly strangers blog.  I want to take the opportunities we have now and enjoy every minute of them ~ even if it is snuggling up while he watches a baseball game on TV and I have a book in my hand.  What matters is that we are together and we are connected.  So tonight, when he gets home instead of continuing to standing over the stove making dinner or helping with homework, I will stop what I am doing, if only for 1 minute, but I will stop and welcome my husband home with a kiss, because I can not imagine a world without the sound of his footsteps walking into our home and I want him to be reminded daily of how much I love and respect him!

To love someone deeply gives you strength. 

Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage. 

~ Lao Tzu